


Stay with me

by MrsUnbeatedPP (MrsPurplePebble)



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Episode Related, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 17:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20550122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsPurplePebble/pseuds/MrsUnbeatedPP
Summary: Callum's thoughts and feelings during the siege episode.Includes missing scenes / probable canon divergence at the end, as  it continues slightly passed the episode.Ballum goodness throughout!





	Stay with me

**Author's Note:**

> An episode coda/ character study for the siege episode on 6/8/19
> 
> I needed more on Callum's experience.
> 
> One shot ... Probably. 
> 
> Not beated, as written in the wee small hours, all mistakes my own anything glaring point out and I'll fix.
> 
> Episode speech may not be perfect I did it from memory, will update if I get chance to rewatch. 😁

**Stay with me.**

Silence. That's all that surrounds Callum for a second. Silence and stillness. Until he takes a shaky breath and it swirled around in his head, echoing and thundering, pounding in time with his heartbeat.

Everything restarts, people are moving, people are shouting, but he can barely focus. The man sprawled in-between his legs whimpers and that's enough to get his attention.

"Mick, Mick get me a towel or something. I need to stop the bleeding."

He doesn't think to say Ben's been shot, he can't even comprehend it, but he knows what he needs to do, because as he says the words he feels a pulse of the red liquid wash over his hands, and he has to fight down the wave of nausea it courses.

"He needs an ambulance, his bleeding."  
His panicking now, he knows his voice cracks as he cries for help.

This can't be happening. It's his wedding day for Christ sake and at this rate his going to lose both the two most important people to him.

No he can't can't take that. He pulls him a little closer, his hand stroking his face just to reassure himself his still there, his still breathing.

"Ben Ben talk to me please" he begs

"I'm alright," Ben groans, trying to give him what he needs, always, always giving Callum what he needs. "Suits seen better days" his even trying to lighten that frightened look on Callum's face.

"Your going to be just fine. I'm going to get you out of here. Just stay with me, yeah?" His begging again, not sure if he's asking Ben, the universe or what, but he can't can't lose him so he will ask who ever he needs to.

He fights, fights to stay with him. His not scared of the gun when it swings his way, his picked up too many, ready to use them himself, but the desperation and confusion shining in hunters eyes scares him.  
The teen is unstable and that makes the gun dangerous.

Thankfully he lets Callum stay where he is, the cold pub floor beneath him the heavy weight of Ben on top, pinning him in place.

It's a good job Hunter agrees to let him stay, Callum's not sure what he would have done if he hadn't, he wouldn't have moved that's for sure either way. Maybe he would have earnt a bullet too, and the only thing that scares him about that, is it would leave Ben in even more trouble than he already was.

When Sonia joins him, he hoped for a little relief, she would help, she was a nurse, she had to help. But instead her words having him biting his lip to stop a howl of pain escaping his throat.

"If he doesn't get help his going to die"

He is not going to let that happen he is not, death will have to wrestle Ben's body away from him, his not letting go, not now.

The only time, the only moment he waves in that dedication is when Whitney's name is called and she is suddenly in the firing line.  
He feels like his heart is being ripped into two.

"No no not not her. I'll go no" but even his words, although he means them as he says them desperate to keep someone he loves safe, stutter in his throat and as he reaches out to her with one hand, his other still can not let go of ben. His body arguing not for the first time, with his heart and mind.

She looks at him hard, and it hurts.  
"No. Stay with Ben he needs you. "  
Her voice is cold and firm.  
He feels another tie between them break and that hurts too, but at this point he feels like an open wound anyway and it's just another pain to bury with the rest.  
Something in her eyes say's she's judging him more than everyone else, but then she knows more than everyone else.  
She knows that there is something special between him and the man in his arms, despite his attempts to deny it again and again.  
He can't can't do it anymore he doesn't have the energy to fight it. He drops his arm that's reaching for her sadly and with a degree of resignation that nods his head.  
His hand sneaks its way back to Ben's head, without even his conscious thought, but his body knows what it wants and Ben shivers below him at the reconnect.

It's enough to focus him once more.  
Ben's breathing is more shallow than before, and he feels a wave of guilt for taking his attention away even for that moment.

As Sonia looks to him for leading, his army training kicks into his mind, keep him talking. Yeah. His seen his buddies do that on the field. Talking to a fellow soldier while they bleed out onto a hot desert floor or while they stood frozen, traped by an IED not able to move. Honesty came out in those conversations a rawness that soldiers shy away from when back at the barracks.

He shakes his head gently to shift the memories stop them taking hold, a flashback will help no one right now.

Breakfast, he grasps at a topic, start small he thinks. His had enough big conversations over the last 24 hrs to last him a lifetime.  
Ben responds as best he could and he turns the subject to Lexi, his gorgeous little girl. Callum wells up at the thought of her, and makes another vow to himself that he won't let Ben die, for her sake as well as his own.

Even as he lies there, and as hurt as he is, Ben can't help but try and hurt himself more, his a bad dad he gasps but Callums not having it.  
"No" he denies vehemently. Ben is so broken, it hurts Callum to see. He is desperate to fix it.

Lexi's story, he focuses on Lexi's story, he keeps Ben going, keeps his infamous mouth talking the whole time with little prompts and questions even when he becomes aware of events happening around them, he ignores it all, his sole focus is on Ben and he can't stop trying to stroke comfort into his hair. He holds him as tight as he dare, rests his head in his hair and breaths in his scent, reminding him of the hug he had had with the man only a few hours ago. He will never forget Ben's smell, and his strong arms holding him back.

It's heartbreakingly soft the story, and in a way Callum hates that Ben is sharing it. It shows just how badly hurt he is. Bad boy Ben doesn't show his soft side often, it's something that Callum appreciates is often just between them. But Ben is a wounded animal right now, rolling over and showing his soft belly to a pub full of people. Callum strokes him and holds him tighter he will defend him if he needs too. He will protect him the best he can.

Even when Phil arrives and crowds in close, Ben looking up to see him with what callums recognises as his desperate need for proof of love from the man, Cal doesn't let go, doesn't give them space.

His going to get Ben through this he promised, but his failing.  
Sonia points it out. " His barely breathing"

And just for a brief second Callum wonders if he is holding too tight, but it's so much more than that. She's right, Ben is slipping metaphorically if not physically from his grasp.  
The panic rises in him again now, and he glanced round desperate for someone to help.

Phil is shouting the same need.

"His Lungs are collapsing."

Callum can't stop his own sob. No no he can't lose him, not before...not like this... not like Chris. He has never been more frightened.

Phil's shouting again and Sonia's panicking now. A flurry of movement as people start to move but he is stock still nothing will move him now.

A collective held breath is realised as hunter exits the pub but not for Callum.

"Lay him flat" Sonia demands, and he nodded his head. He knows how to take orders. He was a good soldier. Sliding him down he is destroyed further by Ben's lack of response. He's gone now and Calum can only pray he comes back.

As Sonia fiddles with a pen and a bottle of vodka, Cal's hands move to Ben's shirt.. She needs it off, she said and Callum is damned if he is letting anyone else close enough to help. His hands are shaking as he undid the buttons on Ben's waistcoat and pushes aside the gorgeous fabric he hadn't even complimented him on yet.

Phil is just watching as he reaches for Ben's shirt. Everyone is watching, Callum can feel their eyes boring into him. He knows Whitney's are in that mix but he can't care, he just doesn't have space to care right now.

The shirt buttons all slide from place easy enough apart from one which Callum just rips. His refusing to think of the last time he undid Ben's clothes, and his praying this won't be the last time.

His hands drag just gently across the tonned skin of Ben's chest he can't help it. He doesn't think anyone is close enough to see, but when he finally looks up he catches the briefest of looks from Sonia, as if something is clicking in her mind, his eyes crinkle in panic, but the look is gone from her face before he's even sure of it.

She's got bigger things to worry about and so has he. His hands return to cradling Ben's head. He will support him through this, he can't not.

Phil shouts again and so does he, he can't help it. He knows what Sonia needs to do, he knows she need to concentrate, his seen it before, and his seen it go wrong before, another delightful army memory he pushes away.

He doesn't register if the older Mitchell reacts to his shout his eyes are fixed on Ben. If these are his last moments he will not lose a single second of them.  
He stares intently watching as Sonia's knife pieces Ben's chest, he knows most other eyes are turned away, but he couldn't even if he wanted to. His hands flinch and he strokes at Ben's ears hoping desperately that his touch is providing some comfort to the unconscious man.  
The pen goes in and he holds his breath, not sure if he will ever breath again if Ben doesn't.

Sonia hands are shaking as she lets go, and his pretty sure his are too.

Ben breathes.

So does everyone else. A hum starts up around him, and the relief he feels crosses his face, and his lips attempt a half smile.

He is alive and Callum can finally look up, his eyes shining with pure joy. As he does he catches Whitney's gaze again and falters. She looks so… disappointed in him? On Ben being alive? He doesn't know but it just makes him so sad, a little of his relief slips away and tension settles back in throughout his body.

She gets it and so does he, he has feelings for Ben, the denial is useless at this point. But he feels naked without it's comforting cloak. What can they do now?

Before he can do or say anything, paramedics are rushing toward them.

Sonia jumps up and out the way instantly she is explaining what happen, what she did, she sounds so calm, Callum is impressed. He is still shaking.

One of the paramedics is on his knees in her place in a second.

"All right son," he speaks to Callum "you've done well but I need you to move now."

Callum shakes his head just perceivably and tightens his grip. No, no he can't let them take Ben away. He's looking after him. Panic makes his heart feel like it's going to burst from his chest.

A hand landed on his shoulder and pulled at him gently.  
"Come on halfway." It's Mick.

He ignores it.

"Just get out the way will ya." Phil roars.

He ignores it.

"Okay okay," the paramedic locks eyes with Callum. His older than the boys and looks stern but something in his face softens as he study's Callum.

"Get a stretcher." He calls over his shoulder, "and clear everyone out."

People get pulled away from him, even Phil and Callum feels like he can breathe a little easier. Just him and Ben that's all he needs. He can protect him.

"Someone special is he?" The paramedic is staring at Callum again as his hands move around Ben takings OBS and attaching wires.  
Callum wonder if the man has noticed their suits. They look so overdressed for recent events.

Callums opens his mouth but his only got a whisper left. "Ben… Ben Mitchell." He answers as if that makes it obvious that of course his special by warrant of all he is.

The paramedic smiles gently, "and you are?"

"Cal...lum."

"Okay Callum I really need to get Ben here to hospital, your friend has done a great job," he pauses and gestures at Sonia and Callum nodes in appreciation for the nurse, if I'd it weren't for her… he can't let himself finish that sentence. "But we are not out of the woods. Ben here is very poorly, but we are going to look after him, and to do that I need him in hospital."

Callum nodes he understands, he even understand why they are talking to him like his a child but that still doesn't loosen his grip.  
Bending forward he lowers his head until it bumps gently against Bens forehead. "Be safe." He whispers, and plants a tiny kiss in Ben's hair. " I need you."

Dragging a shaking breath as tears begin to fall he sits up. Noone would have seen the kiss he comforts himself right up until he meets Sonia's eyes, and sees them crinkle with sadness for him.  
Oh It doesn't matter, he realises it just doesn't matter anymore.

He bites his lips, closes his eyes, leans back and very gently let's go.

It takes less than a second for a gloved hand go be replacing his holding Ben's head, and a silver blanket to be draped around his shoulders as he is encouraged back by a firm guiding hand.

Another paramedic is talking to him as he stumbles to his feet feeling dizzy and strangely light now he is free of the weight of Ben. But he can't focus on what she is saying, he is just watching, watching as Ben is moved and slid onto a stretcher, strapped and secure.

Ignoring her he surges forward again and reaches out for Ben's hand that is hanging from the stretcher his desperate just to touch him again.

The second his fingers begin to intertwine Jay and Lola burst through the pub doors, finally free from upstairs.

"Ben" Lola screams and Jay pushes himself in-between them, grabbing at Ben himself not noticing how as he forces Callum back he forces him to let go.

The paramedics tense and police run to grab Jay.

"He's my brother," Jay cries, seconds before he is wrested away himself. "he's my brother."

The emergency service workers visably relax.

"Come on then." The one that had been kind to Callum spoke as he started pushing Ben towards the door. "You can come in the ambulance."

Callum freezes and watches them take Ben away. Jay as his brother, rightfully taking his place at Ben's side.

"Call, call me." He shouts to Jay but he doesn't know if his friend hears it as they bustle through the doors.

It hurts. His hand. It aches at the lack of contact. The minute Ben is gone from his sight he feels so desperately alone, alone in the pub, despite it being filled with police and the female paramedic who is still trying to talk to him.

Looking down at his aching hand he sees all the blood staining his skin, staining his bright grey suit. The suit it had so carefully and deliberately put on this morning with every intent of marrying Whitney. What a farce.

He looks down at the floor and sees more blood stained there, Ben's blood. He nearly died there. Suddenly it's all too much. He has to get out or his going to be sick.

Stumbling through the pub doors, into the bright sun light his confronted with the crowd that had been inside.  
Ben's ambulance is already just a sound in the distance.

Everyone's eyes raise to him. Most smile. Mick comes forward and clasps his shoulder again. "You did good Callum, you did really good son."

He doesn't feel like he did good, he feels like his about to lose his breakfast, or maybe that half bottle of whiskey he had downed early. Pulling away from Mick and leaving his silver blanket behind in the landlords hands he pushes his way through the crowds, various people clap him on the back, some just whisper and point.

He ignores them all and makes his way back to the flat. He's not surprised it's empty he is however grateful. He can't face Whitney right now, that's another fight for another day.

Pulling off his blooded suit as quick as he can, he throws it with no care on top of her discarded wedding dress. What a sight they make together, an odd tableau to a fucked up day.

He rushes to the bathroom next and empties his stomach contents into the toilet. He's never been squeamish, but there was just too much blood.

He only has one refrain hammering in his head as he moved.

Ben nearly died, Ben nearly died. Ben nearly died.

He dragged himself to his feet the minute his eyes catch the blood on his hands again. He has to get clean he has to.  
Throwing himself under a too hot shower, he scrubs at his skin until it's raw.

His legs are barely keeping him up, but as his mind suddenly changes thoughts they give way and he collapses to the floor of the shower, his fist is in his mouth as he lets out a loud sob. Tears cutting his cheeks.

Ben still might die.


End file.
